Come Fund Me

As so many people have told me, the world is really a changed place.  The value system I was taught by my parents is as archaic as a beer can opener. 

With today’s social media and technology you do not move your economics forward by improving your skills and enhancing your value to a profitable enterprise.  In the olden days, the employer recognized your increased contribution by giving you more responsibility and more money.  There was nothing charitable or morally upstanding about the employer’s actions.  They wanted to keep the people, who really had positive impact on the bottom line, happy. Rewarding high performers was the best wat to ensure long term profitability for the enterprise.  Midway through your career you were creating more compensation than you needed.  By saving and investing the excess you put yourself in a position to retire and live happily ever after.

A ridiculous business model in 2024.

I started modernizing my pursuit of wealth ten years ago.   Driving around the city, I was very impressed with people who created revenue simply by holding up signs at busy intersections with long delayed traffic lights.  So I hand painted a number of signs and went to work.  Some were pretty effective.  “Will work for fried chicken!”, “The Bentley needs tires”, and “My Karma ran over my Dogma” were money makers.  “Need help funding my 401k” was a dud.  Apparently, no one in America wants to fund any retirement accounts, anywhere.

So the key to real wealth was tapping in to Americans’ penchant to donate to causes that they deem to be “most worthy”.  Determining what Americans deem as “most worthy” is an art form.  Often the values are counter intuitive.  For example, in the 1990’s, a young mother was sadly attacked and killed by a mountain lion in California.  The park service tracked and euthanized the mountain lion.  Later they discovered that the lioness had a litter of three cubs.  A charity was created to help care for the mother’s children.  It received donations of $20,000.  Completely independently, a charity was established for the lion cubs.  It received $160,000 in donations. So if you are going to be financially successful, you must really understand the values of potential donors.       

Before the internet changed our lives, soliciting charitable contributions was a complicated effort.  It was labor intensive and expensive.  You had to establish a valid charity from a legal and tax perspective.  You had to identify prospective donors.  You had to develop effective solicitation techniques.  You had to put the touch on the donors and ultimately collect funds.  90% of the donations actually had to be disbursed for the explicit purpose of the charity. There were legal and tax filings, mailing list or phone solicitation research and execution, credit card receipt formats, mail and check receipt formats, etcetera.  The solicitations had to be rock solid because most of the potential donors you would contact would be both sane and sober.  You needed to be sufficiently convincing in your appeal to motivate rational people to write a check.     

Thankfully, as the internet and financial transaction processing evolved, a world of opportunities has opened for the tech savvy entrepreneur. 

I have eliminated nearly all of the complexities of generating contributions with the “Come Fund Me” application.  I go to the App, put in the reason I am in need of funding and nearly everything else is managed by the web site.  For example, last February I set up a “Come Fund Me” page to help me overcome my depression.  Tom Brady’s retirement was such a shock and trauma that it prevented me from working.  In fact, my mental state was such that I may never be able to resume my lucrative career as a truck driver.  I carefully posted the “Come Fund Me” application in Bistros located in Tampa, Boston and Ann Arbor at 1:00 AM.  Within a week, the sensitive patrons provided more than $97,000 to help restore my mental health.  This is so effective because it is so easy for the donors to make the pledge.  “Come Fund Me” accepts real money, credit cards, crypto currencies, the yuan, rubles, you name it.  At 1:00 AM many of the patrons are sloshed and they really align with my plight.  They may have just paid a few hundred bucks for a lap dance, why not give the poor Brady fan a sawbuck.  They push a button or two and bingo, I have a contribution.       

Three weeks ago I posted that I was careening toward bankruptcy because of the high cost of diesel fuel.  I needed to trade my 1988 – F350 diesel for a sensible Tesla but I had no funds.  So far I have tallied up $47,500 of the money required for the new electric vehicle.

I generated $8,500 to fund addiction counseling to help me conquer my life long addiction to fried chicken.

I even garnered $1,113 to help me recover the cost of losing too many golf balls on the 17^th hole at TPC Sawgrass.

Suffice to say “Come Fund Me” has changed my life.

What’s next?

I may need help converting my home to a totally green environment.  Solar panels and a couple of windmills.  The thought of Donald Trump becoming President has certainly rekindled my depression.  The thought of Joe Biden remaining President has certainly rekindled my depression.  The interest rate on my variable rate mortgage just doubled.  I don’t know how I can survive the 18% inflation that has been thrust upon us since 2021.

Watch the news.  Truly, the possibilities are endless. 

Thanks to the ease of accessing sympathetic and often inebriated contributors and the ease of completing the entire transaction, “Come Fund Me” is likely to be my full time occupation for a very long time.