The highlight of my preteen summer vacations was a trip to Indianapolis to visit with the Donnelly family.  My uncle Bill, Aunt Florence and cousin Dave were larger than life people.  Flossie was empathetic and kind.  She believed that my parents needed a break from Mikey, Lucretia and Mad Madam Mim (my sisters, Barb and Jo).  She would drive from Indianapolis to Ann Arbor Michigan to pick us up and take us back to Indiana. We played penny ante poker, went to the stock car races, county fairs and toured the Indianapolis racing facility.  My cousin Dave would pile us in his 1940 Ford for a tour of the local Drive Ins, bowling, or even a fishing trip.  After a week or so of fun and frolic, my Aunt would load us back into her Ford Fairlane and drive us back to Michigan.  The trip was about 280 miles, on two lane roads, through midwest farming communities. 

Usually, I could snag a window view in the back seat.  Flossie would dial in a great rock and roll station and we would listen to Chuck Barry, The Coasters, The Platters, Johnny Mathis, The Everly Brothers and many other pop artists of the fifties all the way home.       

A fascinating side light to the trip were Burma Shave signs.  Burma Shave was a brushless shaving cream that came in a tube.  Their ingenious marketing campaign was to post simple jingles on a series of four or five signs.  They spaced out the signs along farm fields so that you could read them in sequence as you drove past.  They had hundreds of humorous statements posted all over the midwest.   The signs were simply narrow red rectangles with white writing and the last sign always said Burma Shave.  I loved them.  Here is an example:

Said farmer Brown      who’s bald on top      I wish I could       rotate the crop     

Burma Shave

The signs were spaced far apart so you could typically only read one at a time.  We would easily pass twenty or thirty postings between Indy and Ann Arbor.  Only a few repeats.  I’m sure a set of five signs cost Burma Shave less than a hundred bucks.  I don’t know how much they paid the farmers but suffice to say this was very reasonable advertising.  As you cruised the two lane highways, you were always looking for the next set of Burma Shave signs.     

A few years ago, knowing my affection for Burma Shave sayings, a great friend of mine gave me a set of five that she found in an antiques store.   At this time, we lived in the country, on a small two lane highway.  Our property sported a white horse fence, 1/3 of a mile in length, along the road.  I thought it would be spectacular to set up the signs and every few weeks, change the poems.  In fact, I thought I would post an original Burma Shave jingle for those traveling East and, on the back of the signs, a modern rhyme for people travelling West.  An aggressive undertaking but well worth the effort.

The real Burma Shave poems I selected were as follows.  To get the original effect, pause for a moment after reading each sign.  That’s how it worked when you passed them on the highway.  You could only read one at a time and it really heightened your anticipation.  

He lit a match          to check his tank         now they call him         skinless frank

Don’t try passing        on a slope                    unless you have           a periscope

A guy who drives        his car wide open        is not thinkin’             he’s just hopin”

Her chariot             raced 80 per             they hauled away        what had Ben Hur

Altho insured    remember kiddo     they don’t pay you    they pay the widow

My modern sayings included:

4 bucks a gallon       makes me cry        I wish I could       sprout wings and fly

It’s okay                      to text and drive          unless you want          to stay alive

Siri said                       turn right now             I did and nearly           hit a cow

Cannabis         is a legal drug          but smoke and drive         you’re in the jug

My EV Truck              can really fly               but only for                 three hours a try

The GPS         says fastest course      I just was passed       by a guy on a horse

I know, it’s hard to believe that someone would consider a running Burma Shave exhibit.  Before long, they could be committing to a weekly humor post. 

For the new sayings, I thought about naming the final signs after my consulting firm.  Instead of Burma Shave, the last sign would say:  Sinelli and Associates, Inc.   If the test market in Keystone Heights Florida was successful, I could take the marketing campaign back to the midwest farm country.  It worked for Burma Shave for nearly forty years.  They sold a lot of shaving cream. Some little guy could drive past with his Mom and say “Hey look at that.”  If she was CEO of a major insurance company and had trouble with her IT systems, she might give me a call.          

Alas, we sold the ranch before I was able to implement the Burma Shave exhibit.  I still have the signs, however.  They are squirreled away somewhere in my 5,000 square foot storage unit.  So the possibility of displaying authentic Burma Shave ditties and new rhymes is not dead.  Don’t be surprised if you are driving through rural Indiana and see:

On curves ahead    remember Sonny     that rabbits foot     didn’t save the bunny  

Burma Shave