We all have staples in our diets. Key foods that are the foundation of a wholesome healthy life. Foods that provide excellent nutrition and put us in a very positive frame of mind. My friends crave fresh fruit, celery, carrots, radishes and baked skinless turkey breast. My staples are fried chicken and barbecue.
If I go more than two weeks without crispy, golden fried poultry, I start to suffer withdrawal. My mental outlook deteriorates. I say to my wife: “I have a feeling of foreboding today. The stock market doesn’t seem stable. Should we get out before the crash? Are we expecting big thunder storms? Have the bug guys checked the termite traps this month? Don’t you think we are overdue for a tsunami?” She responds, “Go to Publix and get some fried chicken. Everything will be fine.”
Having lived most of my life in Jacksonville, Florida, addiction to fried chicken is not a problem. Excellent fare is available from restaurants and grocery stores throughout the city. For years I have evaluated every possible source for fried chicken and barbecue within 50 miles of our home. There are five spectacular chicken places and another ten that are pretty good. When the craving hits, the fix is just minutes away. There are not as many options for barbecue. But at least four pit masters offer world class barbecue. A little longer drive but still close enough to stave off the ill effects of withdrawal. So Jacksonville offers many options for me to maintain my wholesome diet of ribs, brisket, pulled pork and fried chicken. In addition to the protein, most of these restaurants offer “good for you” collard and turnip greens. Many offer heart healthy pole beans and ham, barbecue beans, corn bread and biscuits. I try to avoid sweet ice tea. In north Florida sweet tea has a sugar content slightly higher than pure maple syrup. I only get fries half of the time. Very healthy.
A much bigger dietary challenge arises when my wife and I make our annual trek to our home town in Ann Arbor Michigan for football season. Ann Arbor is a great foody place. They have outstanding seafood restaurants, quality Italian fare, fabulous German Bistros, Indian food, Asian food, spectacular Middle Eastern cuisine. Zingermans Deli is centered in Ann Arbor. Not far away are Polish enclaves and of course there are great steak houses. Pizza in this part of the country is incredible.
Quality barbecue is sparse. There is a decent restaurant 30 miles away in Jackson Michigan. There is an excellent, upscale joint 60 miles north in Clarkston and a third, award winning operation 120 miles off in Midland. When the urge strikes, a road trip to any of these three outlets is a reasonable undertaking. In addition, I have learned to smoke World Class Barbecue in my backyard. Every couple of weeks I will smoke up a feast for personal consumption. So barbecue withdrawal is not a big challenge.
Southern fried chicken is a problem. I haven’t found an outlet that makes anything above pedestrian fried chicken. There are only a few of these establishments and they are not very reliable. Last week the withdrawal delusions surfaced. “I think I have Covid. Do you know Michigan could lose seven football games this year? We only have ten years left to save the planet from climate change and China is going to doom us all. They are putting 30% of all the world’s carbon into the atmosphere and they are building 300 more coal fired electricity plants! Net zero will never happen! The Red Wings could finish in the cellar again.”
Okay, time for the fix. There is no great place for the fried delicacy but there are a couple of national chains from Louisiana and Kentucky that may do the trick. I like Louisiana best. When we pull in to the fast food parking lot, I find that they have chained off the “drive through”. Bad sign. I go inside and find 30 other addicts queued up for their drug. The manager apologizes and points out that they are really short staffed because of the unemployment largess offered by the Federal government. It will be at least an hour and all they may be able to offer is spicy drumsticks. Now my mind is really racing. “I believe I have lost my putting stroke! I’ll lose hundreds to my golfing buddies before I get it back. Inflation will devalue the dollar. Our 20 year retirement nest egg may only last a few months. I believe that the predator fish from Africa has made it to Lake Michigan. The salmon will be gone from all five great lakes by next summer!” Well the Kentucky place is just a few miles down the road. I head there and find a sign that says “CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE”. Yikes! There is another Louisiana place in Ypsilanti. Next stop. Good news, the “drive through” is open. A friendly clerk asks for my order. “Eight pieces, mild, mixed and a large order of red beans and rice.” The friendly lady responds, “Were running a little behind. Short staffed with this Covid debacle.” After 37 long minutes and 43 seconds I am at the window. She takes my cash in exchange for a large package of the drug I am craving.
When I get home with my boodle I find that I only have drumsticks and thighs. There is no order of red beans and rice. Whatever. The fix works and I’m set for another ten days.
In Jacksonville, I never learned how to fry chicken because great fare is readily available all over the city. This clearly does not work in Ann Arbor. So I have vowed to change my ways. Certainly, I am not giving up my addiction to healthy fried chicken. I am 76 years old. My cholesterol is well within the desired range without any medication. I owe it all too healthy fried chicken and “pull from the bone” smoked ribs.
I’ll continue searching Southeastern Michigan for great fried chicken. Ann Arbor is such an outstanding culinary city, there must be a spot somewhere. Until I find it, I am setting up my fish cooker and cast iron Dutch oven so that I can fry my own chicken. I have many friends who have classic, old family recipes. They will help me make an outstanding southern feast. Within hours of the first jitters, I will be concocting my own remedial drugs.
It isn’t easy to maintain a healthy dietary regimen but I am committed.
OK. As a cardiologist, I have to wonder about the advisability of searching for fried chicken. On the other hand, I will go back to my days in practice when it seemed OK to have drug reps bring us lunch. I found that more often than not we had fried chicken for lunch. I asked my office manager how this was happening and she replied that my wife was requesting this. Understanding the importance of happy wife happy life I did not interfere. Some battles are left unfought.