Like most Americans, I am working many jobs.  I have parlayed my career as President of a systems consulting firm into the following occupations.  I am a software engineer and a data base administrator.  I am a test marketer.  I work as a data entry professional.  I manage key corporate functions such as order fulfillment and accounts receivable.  I am a retail check out professional and I bag groceries. 

Combined, these activities require more hours a week than my previous Presidential position. 

Every time we leave our homes, we typically start to work for someone else.  Many years ago it all began with gas stations. Believe it or not, filling stations used to provide “full service assistance”.  You would pull into your neighborhood Sinclair station and an employee would fill your tank, wash your windshield, and check your oil level.  If asked, he or she might even check your tire pressures.  Big Oil figured out that if they passed these duties back to the customers, they would not have to hire any attendants.  So in the 1970’s, we became gas station employees.

With the advent of technology, it seems that every entity has leveraged a way to transfer jobs from their staff to their customers.   

A few weeks ago, my wife and I were grocery shopping at one of our favorite national grocery chains, The Galloping Ghost Grocers, home based in Grange Illinois.  All the full service checkout counters were closed.  The Manager said that they were short staffed and the two professionals who were assigned to the counters had called in sick. We would have to ring up our groceries at a self checkout station. 

There were help wanted signs saying that starting salary for all positions was at least $17 dollar per hour.

We usually avoid the self checkout lanes if we have a lot of produce. It often takes an inordinate amount of time to identify and ring up the weird fruits and veggies we require.  First step at self checkout is to scan our Galloping Ghost shopper’s card.  It isn’t recognized.  We input our phone number.  It isn’t recognized.  We won’t get credit for our BOGOS and sale prices, so we push the “HELP!’ button.  The manager comes over and informs us that the preferred client system is on the Fritz.  She inserts her key and presses a few buttons to override the system.  We will now be appropriately credited for our discounts.  We put the poblano peppers on the scale and follow the instructions to look up the price per pound.  Poblano peppers pop up but they are priced at $35.90 per pound.  We push the “HELP!” button again.  After a delay, the harried Manager comes over.  She agrees that the price is incorrect.  I offer to return to produce and get the accurate per pound price.  She thanks me and proceeds to help another troubled customer.  It turns out that the accurate price is $3.59 per pound.  We reengage with the Manager.  The magic key comes out and the price is adjusted.  She thanks us and says that she will send a request to the systems professionals to correct the price in the “system”.  Four items later, we plop the Organic Ecuadorian Arugula on the scale.  We cannot find Arugula in the produce look up tool.  “HELP!”  The beleaguered Manager returns.  She cannot find Arugula either.  She leaves the magic key in her pocket and says “Just keep the Arugula. I’ll add it to my list of pricing problems for IT to fix.”  We ring up the wine and the station shuts down until an employee, who must be at least 21 years old, checks our identification.  You guessed it.  Another visit from, our now close friend, the Manager.  Magic key, click, click.  After a mere 40 minutes, we are now ready to finalize our purchase.  I tap my American Express card on the card reader (Amex gives us 4 times the points for grocery purchases).  I get the message INVALID CARD.  Please wait for assistance.  After five minutes, the Manager returns again and informs us that Galloping Ghost Grocery and Amex are having trouble communicating at the moment.  Do we have another card?  Yes we have a Visa. She inserts the Magic Key, clears the Amex snafu and we complete the transaction with Visa. 

The Manager apologizes profusely, says how much she enjoyed meeting us, and invites us to her daughter’s wedding next fall.

It occurs to me that my wife and I have just spent 45 minutes as employees of Galloping Ghost Grocers, Inc.  We have been checkout clerks, produce department managers, software evaluation and testing professionals, banking liaisons, liquor compliance specialists, and bagging professionals.  Based on our patient and amicable interaction with the frenzied Manager, we should also be paid as mental health counselors.  Minimum compensation would be $17 an hour but the IT testing services, banking liaison and mental health counseling services would be at a much higher rate.  Let’s assume blended rate of $48 an hour.  45 minutes for me.  45 minutes for Sue.  Galloping Ghost owes us $72.

So I decide to invoice Galloping Ghost Grocery.  Using QuickBooks, I type up an invoice to Galloping Ghost from the Acme Ancillary Services Company, detailing the services that Sue and I provided today.  The subtotal for our efforts is $72 and I deduct $3 for the donated Organic Ecuadorian Arugula.  The bill is legitimate and accurate.

Three weeks later, we receive a check from Galloping Ghost for $69.  I expected more scrutiny from the Accounts Payable professionals in Grange Illinois.  Apparently, the horrendous system problems we encountered were plaguing the entire Ghost customer base.  The professionals in the home office may have been more focused on those challenges.  Our small invoice may have slid through the approval process because they were trying to resolve much bigger operational issues.

With my consulting experience, I realized that we had passed a significant threshold.  The Acme Ancillary Services Company is now an authorized vendor in the Galloping Ghost A/P system.  My assessment was correct.  Every time we shop at Galloping Ghost, I document the services that we provide for this particular visit.  We continue to send valid and accurate services invoices for the work we are doing.  Each invoice has been approved and paid.

Grocery shopping is just a fraction of the time we spend as employees of other entities.  We work for big box electronic stores, national hardware and home goods outlets, drug stores and warehouse clubs.  We work for at least fifteen different medical and dental services.  We work for a diverse array of restaurants, from fast food and home delivery to upscale dining. We are very busily employed by the travel industry:  airlines, hotel chains, car rental companies, and resorts.  We have jobs at five different clubs: golf clubs, beach clubs, and dinner clubs.  We work for at least twelve different streaming services.  We have dozens of jobs in the technology industry (cell phones, computers, TV’s, sound systems, tablets, golf range finders, etc.).

My wife and I have full time employment providing these services to hundreds of employers. Galloping Ghost pays for our services.  So should everyone else. 

I put my technical expertise in to high gear.  First, I have made it easy to track our services.  After I spend two hours finding acceptable air accommodations with Delta, I make a few clicks in QuickBooks and I have documented the time we spent and applied the appropriate, travel agent, billing rate.  The billing data is captured.

Next, I created an App to automatically process the invoices and subsequent payments. When I am asked to approve the terms of an App on my phone or over the internet, my App is electronically triggered as part of the response.  In essence the terms of my App say that, by accepting my response to your App, you accept the terms of my App.  Key provisions of my App are:

Acme Ancillary Services, LLC will be paid for the services Mike and Susan perform for your enterprise.

The rates for all of the services are documented in the attached rate schedule. 

You will be billed electronically and payments will be submitted electronically.

So far, more than a hundred entities have “accepted” the terms of our App.  We track our services to all of them and the billing is automatic.  If we complete a survey for the Pismo Beach Medical center or Uncle Ben’s furniture store, they get an invoice for Market Research provided by Acme Ancillary Services, LLC.  The $23 an hour rate is included in the rate schedule of our App and was agreed to by the vendor when they accepted our App.

Amazingly, Sue and I each average about 46 hours of billed services per week.  We, actually, receive payment from about 35% of the entities that we work for. 

Even though all of the entities owe us money as the result of accepting the terms of our App, we do not pursue the non-payers.  We do collect about 85% of the compensation we bill. In essence, we maximize our collection rates by only doing business with enterprises that pay us.  Galloping Ghost pays us.  Merry Markets does not.  We shop at Galloping Ghost.

In summary, we have been forced out of retirement by nearly every commercial enterprise in America.  It is totally unfair that they have usurped our retirement and do not pay us for the labor we provide.  We really cannot avoid going back to work.  St. Bob’s Health Care won’t take care of us if we do not invest all of the hours required to maintain their portal.  So at least Sue and I are recovering slightly more than $100,000 each year for providing these services.