My wife and I relocated our family from Ann Arbor Michigan to Jacksonville Florida in 1974.  At that time, the population of Jacksonville was 350,000.  We asked the Jacksonville Chamber of Commerce for information about the city.  They summarized the ethnicity of the city as follows: “3% of the population are of Asian descent.  15% are from Europe.  All the rest are Southerners.”

I took a position as Controller of an insurance company and quickly found that at least 80% of my coworkers were from the South.  I had a language problem.  I neither spoke nor understood Southern.  All of my associates were very patient and helpful.  They welcomed our family with open arms and taught me how to understand and eventually, speak the language fluently.

Let’s start simply with the most common Southern expression.  Y’All.  First, this is a one syllable word.  It is definitely not pronounced “You All”.  It is not “Ya All”.  It is a homonym of Yawl and it rhymes with Call.  One syllable.  Most southern accents may drag out the alllll part a little but it is still one syllable.  Contrary to popular belief, it is always plural.  If you ask one person if they are going to the ball game this afternoon and you say “Y’All going to the game?”  They will think you are from Hoboken New Jersey.  Some have inferred that “Y’All” is singular and that the plural is “All Y’All”.   That is incorrect.  Beauregard’s History of Southern Expression clearly notes that “Y’All” is plural. “All Y’All is creeping into the Southern language.  Occasionally, a citizen from Valdosta will use “All Y’All” to refer to a very large group or “whole passel” of people.

Albany Georgia is pronounced differently than Albany New York.  The Georgia city is “all benn’ nee” with the accent on the second syllable.  Other cities in Georgia include Houston, which is pronounced “house ton” not “hue ston”.  Berlin Georgia, in Southern, is “burr’ lin” with the accent on the first syllable as opposed “burr lin’ the capital of Germany. Vienna Georgia is “vie enna”, with a long I, not “vee enna”, with a long E.      

Jacksonville natives do not greet you by saying hi or hello.  They say “Hey”.  “Hey Sue!  Are you having a good day?”  If Sue indicates that she is not feeling well.  The southerner will reply “I’m sorry you’re feeling puny.”  In Michigan you’re sick. In Jacksonville you’re puny.  If you are puny and have a headache, you might want to take a Goody’s Powder.                 

The really spectacular element of the Southern language are the expressions.  I had the great fortune to work with a person from LA.  To Southerners, LA is not a city in California.  When you say LA in Jacksonville, you are referring to Lower Alabama.  In fact, this person was from Dothan.  Jim had the best expressions and the best speaking style in the world.  Here are some examples.

We sat through a vendor presentation on accounting systems and I asked Jim what he thought.  Jim was very skeptical that the system could do everything the representative claimed. “I think he’s peeing on our shoes and telling us it’s raining.”  In addition, he did not think the presenter was overly bright.  Jim added “That boy reminds me of Paul Revere.  Light in the belfry.”  If Jim was buried in work he was “Busier than a one legged man in an ass kickin contest”.   Can you get this job done today, Jim?  “It’s no hill for a stepper. I might could have it by three.”  What do you think of that barbecue Jim?  “It went down better than a chubby kid on a teeter totter.”   Hey Jim.  You doing all right?  “I’m great! Never had more nor wanted less.” Jim never did anything on the weekend he would do it on “Saturday or Sunday, one”.  

Jim had a dog.  A Blue Tick hound.  His name was Rolex.  I said what a great name for a dog.  How did you come up with that?  Jim said he’s a watch dog.

Jim spoke with a big booming voice.  If you closed your eyes you thought you were listening to Foghorn Leghorn.  Hopefully, Y’All remember the big chicken on Looney Tunes who was constantly pursued by Henrietta the Hen and the little Chicken Hawk.  Foghorn was always talking very loudly saying things like “If that kid… I say… If that kid don’t quit talkin, he’ll get his tongue sunburned.”  No doubt the genius Mel Blanc spent some time in Dothan Alabama because everyone there sounds like Foghorn Leghorn.

In a few months at the insurance company I was taught to “Mash on the light” if the room was dark and to “Let the Big Dog Eat” if I had to accelerate to pass another car.  “It’s coming up a cloud” if the afternoon thunder storm was forming and “It’s a frog strangler” when the down pour started.  I learned that “The big raccoon walks at midnight” if you were behind early in a poker game and “It’s hard to come back if you’ve never been there.”    

Great expressions.  Great humor.  Great people.  Great values.  We have enjoyed Jacksonville so much that we have stayed here for almost 47 years.

The metropolitan area has grown a little from 350,000 citizens to 1,350,000. There are large pockets where the Southern influence has completely disappeared.  Of course, this is happening everywhere in the United States.  Regionalism and colloquialisms are on the wane.  We all are starting to sound like TV commentators. 

I would love nothing better than to have a long slow supper at Jim’s house.  He could regale Sue and me with all of the interesting things that have happened to him in the last 30 years.  After a couple gallons of syrupy sweet tea and a few beers we would wrap up around midnight.  Jim would say he hadn’t had this much fun since “Granny’s goat roping” and he would invite us back with “Y’All come back! Heah?” 

Life would be great.  “If I was any better I would be twins.”  Damn.  I need to find a place to go and speak more Southern.  I may book a leisurely visit to Dothan. I could go on ‘Saturday or Sunday, one”.