Month: April 2024

I have always been impressed by people who have a concrete understanding of their “Calling”.  They know what the primary purpose of their life is.  

You see them on television. 

“So you are passionate about saving the gopher tortoise.”  “Yes.”  “Are they threatened with extinction?”  “Well, they are not on the Endangered Species List or the Threatened Species List at this time.  They are on the Deep Do Do List, however, and I have abandoned my full time job as Head of Product Development for Proctor and Gamble to create a better environment for these gentle creatures.  It’s my Calling.”  

“So you enjoy Barber Shop music.”  “No.  It is more than enjoyment. It is my Calling.  I am the Grand Harmonizer for the South East Chapter of the Society For the Preservation and Promotion of Barber Shop Singing in America (aka SFTPAPOBSSIA).  I heard the Buffalo Bills sing ‘Coney Island Baby’ and I was hooked.  I left my position as Sheet Music Manager at the Society For the Preservation and Promotion of Classical Accordion Music in the Western Hemisphere and never looked back.   

“I have been Called to fight for the eradication of really bad scotch.  No one should drink bad scotch.  Every waking hour of the rest of my life will be dedicated to improving the education of scotch drinkers.  To further the effort, I founded the not for profit organization Please Imbibe Superb Scotch Every Day or PISSED.  Our byline is ‘Life is short. Get PISSED.”

Nearly all beauty queens are “Called” to promote world peace. 

Merriam-Webster defines “Calling” as:

A strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence.

I have a few “strong inner impulses toward a particular course of action”.  Researching and consuming spectacular fried chicken, qualifies.  Assessing the long term effects of a 1.5 hour afternoon nap is a “strong inner impulse”.  Testing and documenting the quality of barbecue in Northeast Florida has long been a “particular course of action” for me.  In fact, most of my strong impulses are fairly self serving. 

I have had strong impulses for two courses of action that are in the realm of “Common Good”.  I have devoted significant effort to teaching others the fine art of barbecuing and the nuances of tailgating.  None of these impulses are “accompanied by conviction of divine influence”, however, unless The Kansas City Barbecue Society qualifies as some sort of deity. 

So I continue to plod along, waiting for the burning bush or the lightening strike on a sunny day.  I always hoped that St. Paul would reserve the seat next to me on a coast to coast airplane trip.  In the five and a quarter hour ride, he could tell me what God is “Calling” me to do.  But this has not happened.

It may be that the Divine Spirit is underwhelmed with my capabilities and so he is reluctant to “influence” me to any significant “course of action”. At this point, it really doesn’t have to be a very substantial course of action.  I might have trouble finding a cure for cancer but I could teach people how to effectively and safely load furniture into a U-Haul.  This is a great life skill for everyone. I practice it regularly, just ask my wife.  I have pretty good short order cooking skills.  I can show everyone how to flip “over easy” eggs without breaking the yokes.  I can teach the world how to make animal pancakes.

So I am waiting.  Since, statistically, I have less than five years remaining in my stay here on earth, I hope I get the “Calling” soon and I hope it is a simple one.   

I recently watched a terrific interview on BBC with James Lovelock, one of the first scientists to identify the perils of global warming.  He described the challenges of climate change as being “a bit dodgy” for mankind and he raised a second concern about the threat of artificial intelligence.  These are two very interesting problems.

Climate Change

Very likely, climate change will terminate human life on earth.  It may take a long time or it could happen very quickly. 

On the long side, the sun will expand and envelope our planet in 5 – 8 billion years.  The climate will change and, if there is remaining human life, it will end.

Very quickly can happen in several ways.  We might get hit by a giant rock from outer space.  One such collision knocked a big chunk off the planet that is now the moon.  That would have a bad effect on the climate in a hurry.  Over 66 million years ago an asteroid hit the earth.  The climate changed dramatically and all of the dinosaurs perished.  NASA and other agencies try to track huge rocks that may possibly hit us.  The most recent possibility that we currently know about will not be in the neighborhood for about 72 years.  If one the size of the Dino killer hits, it could make the climate unsuitable for human life.  The human race can also trigger a climate change very rapidly that would make the planet untenable for mammals.  Thermal nuclear war could do the trick.  A massive solar flare could wipe out the Van Allan Belt and the human race may not survive.  That could happen any time and very quickly.

So we don’t have a good read on when the “Very quickly” scenarios may happen.  Not with standing, they are very real possibilities.

Our leaders tell us that we are triggering a climate change that, at least, will be very difficult for humanity.  This is self imposed by mankind.  A combination of burning fossil fuels, destroying vegetation, melting the polar region permafrost, and raising domesticated animals is rapidly creating a greenhouse environment on our planet.  Congresswoman Cortez tells us that, if we do not correct the situation in the next twelve years, we will pass the “point of no return” and global warming will be irreversible.  Correcting the situation means moving to zero carbon emissions in the next twelve years.  In essence, all energy will have to be produced by non carbon sources such as solar, wind, hydro electric and atomic sources.  After 12 years (Bernie Sanders adroitly points out that this finding happened last year and we are down to 11), we cannot turn the global warming ship around. 

If the 11 year requirement described by the “Green New Deal” is accurate, we have already lost the battle.  We are doomed. 

Why are we doomed?  Europe, Canada, and yes, the United States have done an excellent job of decreasing carbon emissions.  The US and Great Britain have successfully achieved the goals established by the Kyoto Protocols of the 1990’s.  Amazingly, the United States has achieved the objectives after refusing to be part of the Protocol. Unfortunately, North America and Europe can be perfect in moving to zero carbon emissions and we still have no chance of achieving the world’s goal.  The leading producer of carbon emissions, China, is doing nothing to eliminate carbon emissions and certainly will not eliminate theirs in the next 11 years.  Right behind China is India and we have an entire developing continent in Africa.  These guys will be pouring out fossil fuel based emissions putting us well above zero.  Zero is the requirement for the whole planet.  You can’t make an exception for China and the developing countries and get to zero.  The other countries cannot do a fantastic job and lower their emissions to a negative number in order to offset China. You can’t get less than zero.   You also cannot make these countries change their behaviors.  Exacerbating the problem is South America and Asia destroying their rainforests.  There is clearly less and less vegetation to convert carbon dioxide into healthy oxygen thereby accelerating the greenhouse effect.  Maybe the extensive science employed by the “Green New Deal” would compute a 7 year “point of no return” with the decline of these oxygenators.

In essence, there is no chance that the earth will achieve the 7- 11 year objective described in the  “Green New Deal”.

What are the consequences?  Our elected officials tell us that this will be the end of life on earth.  Pretty serious.  The scientific authors of the study culminating in the 12 year conclusion are not as dire or specific.  The “12 Years to Act on Climate Change” document released by the United Nations’ Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change sets a target of keeping the increase in the global temperature for the 21^st century under 2.7 degrees Fahrenheit.  The net zero goal needs to be achieved by 2050 but cannot be achieved without very significant changes in the next 11 years.  The report notes that if we do not achieve the goal there will be longer and hotter heatwaves, more widespread and frequent droughts, rising sea levels and intensifying floods.  According to Daniel Swain, there will be dire consequences to missing the net zero target but “in the physical climate system, there are no scientists claiming that there is a magical threshold that we breach or don’t breach that determines whether we have a habitable system”.  I think he is saying that nobody really knows what the “point of no return” is but missing the target is a big problem.  Mr. Swain is a climate scientist at UCLA and works at The National Center for Atmospheric Research in the Center for Climate and Weather Extremes.  

In addition, the United Nations’ study points out that we can net emissions below zero by employing technologies to remove existing carbon from the atmosphere.

Okay, let’s assume that climate change will terminate human life on earth.  This is a pretty good bet.  It could happen this afternoon with a solar flare wiping out the Van Allan Belt or later as the result of our own Greenhouse gas emissions.  Maybe we get hit with a big rock. 

Ironically, a cataclysmic event that changed the climate 66 million years almost certainly created the opportunity for human life on the planet.  Until then, Dinosaurs ruled the world for at least 200 million years.  There were only a few mammals and they were small and insignificant.  The big reptiles acclimated very, very well to our planet.  There was incredible stasis for 200 million years.  Without the big rock climate change, they could be thriving here today and big mammals, including mankind, would never have had the opportunity to evolve.  We would not exist without the massive climate change that occurred with the asteroid hit 66 million years ago.

Scientists tell us that we are about to wipe out our species.  Congresswoman Cortez and the “Green New Deal” have demonstrated that we are past the “point of no return”.  If their science is correct, our demise from Climate Change is underway and irreversible.  It may take a while but the die has been cast.  No escape.  Modern man is estimated by Archaeologists to have existed for approximately 200,000 years.  We have accomplished destruction of our own species in a mere 200,000 years.  Dinosaurs thrived for 200 million years and had to be killed off by an outside event.  Seems like the planet is much more suited for giant reptiles than it is for human beings.  When we are gone, maybe they will re-evolve.  They may have a few billion years to enjoy before the sun gets them.         

Climate change gave birth to humanity and climate change will terminate our tenure.  Why is that so problematic for so many people.  By any measure, it sure doesn’t look like we will come close to the longevity of Dinosaurs.  We certainly don’t seem to be the best stewards for the planet earth.  Nobody has wiped out more of earth’s species than mankind.  For example Homo Sapiens walked into North America over the land bridge 15,000 year ago and killed off all of the wooly mammoths, saber tooth cats, giant sloths, camels, and every other large mammal on the continent. Let’s just step aside and let the good times on planet earth roll again. 

I guess the demise of mankind runs against two powerful instincts.  Preservation of self and preservation of species.  Supposedly, we have advanced intelligence (as compared to everything we know about all other species on earth).  With that intelligence, we would like others to know what a glorious existence our species had.  If we are all gone, who can explain these achievements to future species on earth or visitors from other locations in the universe?  How can we pass valuable lessons that we learned on to other intelligent beings?  Lessons like, “If you’re not careful, you can kill yourselves off in 12 years”.       

I can see why preservation of self is very important.  Survival of mankind is a lot more significant if you are one of the last ones and time is short.  It gets personal at that point.  Since we are such advanced thinkers, survival of species should not be a big factor.  We know that the chances of the species surviving are infinitesimally small.  Ultimately, survival of the species is dependent on moving away from earth and out of our solar system.  Finally, I’m not sure that anyone who is sufficiently scientifically advanced to reach earth from another solar system would gain much intellectual benefit from all of our learnings.  The information may be very interesting, possibly very humorous, but not very helpful.  If another intelligent life form evolves on earth after our demise, they may find an aggregation of our knowledge and history very beneficial.          

Artificial Intelligence

According to the Oxford Dictionary, Artificial Intelligence is “The theory and development of computer systems able to perform tasks that normally require human intelligence, such as visual perception, speech recognition, decision-making, and translation between languages.”

We see marvelous examples of Artificial Intelligence every day in our lives.  Our cell phones can instantly give us the best travel route through the city by analyzing real time traffic conditions and AI will take us step by step through the route.  We can play any music we desire by asking an electronic device to play it.  We ask a device any weird question that pops into our heads and the device answers, with impressive precision.  A computer will park our car or even drive our car.  We can put a few key words into an online shopping service and get a unique replacement part for a 1986 Weber grill delivered to our home the next day.  Computers remember every book and article ever written on cancer and can use that data to evaluate MRI’s as accurately as a radiologist.

And the computers are getting better and faster.  It is estimated that artificial intelligence will soon be able to “think” 10,000 faster than humans.  At some point, and probably very soon, artificial brain power will blow away human thought.  Compounding 10,000 times faster will allow Artificial Intelligence to solve incredibly complex and previously unresolvable problems.  At 10,000 times faster, it should not take long for the machine brain to replicate the learning, memory, and judgement of the human brain.

What scares me most about Artificial Intelligence is that so many truly brilliant people are afraid of it.  Stephen Hawking had grave concerns about the outcomes of Artificial Intelligence.  Long before the development of powerful computers, Albert Einstein was concerned about Artificial Intelligence and robots.  James Lovelock, the 100 year old British Scientist who set off the global warming alarm, is more concerned about the future impact of Artificial Intelligence than he is of climate change.         

What kinds of problems do the geniuses foresee?

I guess we should be concerned that computerized robots could be master weapons of war.  Oh gosh, too late.  They already are.  Drones surreptitiously track enemies of the United States, such as ISIS leaders in Syria and blow them to pieces with the push of a button by an operator in Las Vegas.  A network of defense systems can track possible threats to US field operations, evaluate if the threat is real, and eliminate the threat with a variety of weapons without any human intervention.  Our soldiers could be fast asleep until the computer starts to fire the fifty caliber machine gun.  By the time they open their eyes, the enemy has been eliminated.  Maybe the brilliant people are concerned that this type of intelligence will be employed by evil regimes to win global wars and rule the world.

Maybe they are concerned about the disruption this type of intelligence could have on the current economic structure.  Kai Fu Lee, an AI expert, predicts that 40% of all jobs will be lost to Artificial Intelligence.  200,000 banking jobs are in peril right now.  That may be good news to a lot of ultra-left proponents in America and Europe.  Work is a real impediment to their personal expression.  But how do you equitably distribute wealth if you are not paying workers for their performance?

Maybe they are concerned about the impact of Artificial Intelligence on international markets and trade exchanges.  Super computers with AI will very likely trade equities and commodities with a much higher success rate and financial return than humans.  We already have private and public equity funds where all of the trades are computer driven.  Computers evaluate, decide, buy and sell whatever company or instrument they wish with no human intervention.  Markets are driven strictly by supply and demand.  Historically, the equity market responded to decisions of financial gurus to buy and sell securities based on the anticipated financial performance of each respective company.  In the future, computers will buy and sell based on anything their algorithms identify.  Shareholder value will be determined by lightning fast trading totally driven by machines with little regard to financial underpinnings of the company.  Making money in these markets will be determined by who has the best AI.

Maybe they are concerned that the machines will transition from being tools of mankind to becoming their own independent entities.  Where will the computers’ incredible intelligence take them?  At some point, will the machines decide that the same human race that screwed up the climate is more of a problem than a worthy employer?  What will the machines do when they realize that they are much smarter than Homo Sapiens?    

Whatever anxieties the world’s geniuses have about Artificial Intelligence are exacerbated by the fact that AI is here and it is absolutely going to move forward.  It is possible to continue the dramatic increases in brain power of machines and you cannot stop people from doing so.  Very soon, all of the theoretical outcomes will switch to real events.   This is less stoppable than Global Warming.         

Conclusion

So mankind has two universal challenges.  We have triggered a change in our climate that is irreversible and will, eventually, terminate human life on earth.  We have created machines that will have significantly more powerful thinking capacity than humans and we don’t know what the machines will do.

Perhaps one of these is a problem and one is a solution. 

The brilliant and accomplished scientists, Congresswoman Cortez and Senator Bernie Sanders, have not drafted a workable solution to global warming. They have determined that we have to eliminate output of these gasses in 7 -11 years or the greenhouse effect is irreversible.  We cannot hit the targets they require in 7 – 11 years. 

What we should be doing is moving forward with Artificial Intelligence as quickly as possible and turn the global warming problem over to the mechanical brain.  The project should be called Channeling Hyper Utilization of Computer Knowledge.  The Artificial Intelligence tool would be called CHUCK.  When complete, we do things with CHUCK like we do with Alexa.  Instead of saying “Alexa, play ‘Oh Baby Don’t You Weep’  by James Brown”, we would say “CHUCK, create effective technology to decrease carbon dioxide worldwide”.     

I think the timelines will work.  Unfortunately, the “Green New Deal” scientists have not been real specific on when we will all die.  If it takes more than 100 years, the computer technology will easily be in place.  It is hard to appreciate the explosive thinking power that will occur with artificial intelligence.  Once the machine acquires the capability of human thinking, the tireless enhancement of thinking 10,000 times faster will blow light years past human thinking in a very brief period of time.  In addition, the total knowledge of the world, that has been captured in an electronic format, will be available to the mechanical brain at all times.  It won’t get tired and it won’t go to sleep.  A few years after AI hits the same level of brain power as humans, we should be able to ask two simple questions and expect accurate answers. 

Question One:  “CHUCK.  How do we develop and deploy technology that will adjust and maintain the carbon dioxide levels in the earth’s atmosphere that are optimal for human life?”

Question Two:  “CHUCK.  How do we find another place to live outside of our solar system and how do we get there?”   

We don’t have to figure these things out, CHUCK will.

We won’t be turning over this critical research to the brightest human minds on earth.  Women and men who are brilliant but also subject to all of the foibles of humanity.  The scientific research and analysis will be undertaken by something exponentially more intelligent than the most brilliant humans.  Importantly, Artificial Intelligence is also free of hubris, jealousy and all of the other weaknesses inherent in Homo Sapiens.  A device that is tireless and completely objective.

CHUCK may give us a feasible path to accomplish both goals.  We follow his instructions and we are home free.  We preserve self and we preserve species.  We extend our stay on earth and we have an exit plan.

CHUCK may determine one or both goals cannot be achieved.  We may then ask him, her, or it another question.

Question Three:  “CHUCK.   How can we document mankind’s tenure on earth so that our knowledge may be helpful to other species after our demise?”

Moving ahead, full throttle, with artificial intelligence certainly has peril.  The fears of today’s geniuses could unfold.  CHUCK may run the numbers and conclude that mankind is the problem.  We have the highest rate of extinction ever documented by biologists.  We are over fishing the oceans.  We have introduced nuclear arsenals.  Finally, we created irreversible global warming.  Not exactly stellar performance in a few thousand years.  The Dinosaurs maintained a very comfortable environment for 200 million years.  CHUCK may easily conclude that the best way to “Save The Planet” is to get rid of the humans.

But what choice do we have?  Congresswoman Cortez and Senator Sanders have proven that we are irreversibly heading to our demise as the result of climate change.  We are going to perish because the earth is becoming a greenhouse and we can’t do the things required to stop it in the next 7 -11 years.   

So I say we give AI a shot.  What the hell do we have to lose?   It is a lot like the counsel Paul Newman gave Robert Redford in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.  They faced certain death at the hands of a Posse or very slim chance of escape by jumping off a cliff into a river.  Redford can’t swim.  “You can’t swim!?  Hell the fall will probably kill ya!” 

I say we jump.

We all have staples in our diets.  Key foods that are the foundation of a wholesome healthy life.  Foods that provide excellent nutrition and put us in a very positive frame of mind.  My friends crave fresh fruit, celery, carrots, radishes and baked skinless turkey breast.  My staples are fried chicken and barbecue. 

If I go more than two weeks without crispy, golden fried poultry, I start to suffer withdrawal. My mental outlook deteriorates.  I say to my wife: “I have a feeling of foreboding today.  The stock market doesn’t seem stable.  Should we get out before the crash?  Are we expecting big thunder storms?  Have the bug guys checked the termite traps this month?  Don’t you think we are overdue for a tsunami?”  She responds, “Go to Publix and get some fried chicken.  Everything will be fine.”  

Having lived most of my life in Jacksonville, Florida, addiction to fried chicken is not a problem.  Excellent fare is available from restaurants and grocery stores throughout the city.  For years I have evaluated every possible source for fried chicken and barbecue within 50 miles of our home.  There are five spectacular chicken places and another ten that are pretty good. When the craving hits, the fix is just minutes away.  There are not as many options for barbecue.  But at least four pit masters offer world class barbecue.  A little longer drive but still close enough to stave off the ill effects of withdrawal.  So Jacksonville offers many options for me to maintain my wholesome diet of ribs, brisket, pulled pork and fried chicken.  In addition to the protein, most of these restaurants offer “good for you” collard and turnip greens.  Many offer heart healthy pole beans and ham, barbecue beans, corn bread and biscuits.  I try to avoid sweet ice tea.  In north Florida sweet tea has a sugar content slightly higher than pure maple syrup.  I only get fries half of the time.  Very healthy.

A much bigger dietary challenge arises when my wife and I make our annual trek to our home town in Ann Arbor Michigan for football season.  Ann Arbor is a great foody place.  They have outstanding seafood restaurants, quality Italian fare, fabulous German Bistros, Indian food, Asian food, spectacular Middle Eastern cuisine.  Zingermans Deli is centered in Ann Arbor.  Not far away are Polish enclaves and of course there are great steak houses.  Pizza in this part of the country is incredible. 

Quality barbecue is sparse.  There is a decent restaurant 30 miles away in Jackson Michigan.  There is an excellent, upscale joint 60 miles north in Clarkston and a third, award winning  operation 120 miles off in Midland.  When the urge strikes, a road trip to any of these three outlets is a reasonable undertaking.  In addition, I have learned to smoke World Class Barbecue in my backyard.  Every couple of weeks I will smoke up a feast for personal consumption.  So barbecue withdrawal is not a big challenge.                    

Southern fried chicken is a problem.  I haven’t found an outlet that makes anything above pedestrian fried chicken.  There are only a few of these establishments and they are not very reliable.  Last week the withdrawal delusions surfaced.  “I think I have Covid.  Do you know Michigan could lose seven football games this year?  We only have ten years left to save the planet from climate change and China is going to doom us all.  They are putting 30% of all the world’s carbon into the atmosphere and they are building 300 more coal fired electricity plants!  Net zero will never happen! The Red Wings could finish in the cellar again.” 

Okay, time for the fix.  There is no great place for the fried delicacy but there are a couple of national chains from Louisiana and Kentucky that may do the trick.  I like Louisiana best.  When we pull in to the fast food parking lot, I find that they have chained off the “drive through”.  Bad sign.  I go inside and find 30 other addicts queued up for their drug.  The manager apologizes and points out that they are really short staffed because of the unemployment largess offered by the Federal government.  It will be at least an hour and all they may be able to offer is spicy drumsticks.  Now my mind is really racing.  “I believe I have lost my putting stroke!  I’ll lose hundreds to my golfing buddies before I get it back.  Inflation will devalue the dollar.  Our 20 year retirement nest egg may only last a few months.  I believe that the predator fish from Africa has made it to Lake Michigan.  The salmon will be gone from all five great lakes by next summer!”  Well the Kentucky place is just a few miles down the road.  I head there and find a sign that says “CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE”.  Yikes!  There is another Louisiana place in Ypsilanti.  Next stop.  Good news, the “drive through” is open.  A friendly clerk asks for my order.  “Eight pieces, mild, mixed and a large order of red beans and rice.”  The friendly lady responds, “Were running a little behind.  Short staffed with this Covid debacle.”  After 37 long minutes and 43 seconds I am at the window.  She takes my cash in exchange for a large package of the drug I am craving. 

When I get home with my boodle I find that I only have drumsticks and thighs.  There is no order of red beans and rice.  Whatever.  The fix works and I’m set for another ten days. 

In Jacksonville, I never learned how to fry chicken because great fare is readily available all over the city.  This clearly does not work in Ann Arbor.  So I have vowed to change my ways.  Certainly, I am not giving up my addiction to healthy fried chicken.  I am 76 years old.  My cholesterol is well within the desired range without any medication.  I owe it all too healthy fried chicken and “pull from the bone” smoked ribs.  

I’ll continue searching Southeastern Michigan for great fried chicken.  Ann Arbor is such an outstanding culinary city, there must be a spot somewhere.  Until I find it, I am setting up my fish cooker and cast iron Dutch oven so that I can fry my own chicken.  I have many friends who have classic, old family recipes.  They will help me make an outstanding southern feast.  Within hours of the first jitters, I will be concocting my own remedial drugs. 

It isn’t easy to maintain a healthy dietary regimen but I am committed. 

Coffee plays an inordinately large role in my life. 

My friends and family have learned that, until I have ingested two cups of coffee in the morning, they should disregard anything I do or say.  I once asked my wife if she had put the cat out and she responded “Dear, we have never owned a cat.”  She wasn’t startled.  She knew that this question was formulated before I had consumed any caffeine.  No psychiatric evaluation required.  He hasn’t had his drug yet. 

I really enjoy two fine cups of coffee in the morning.  I love the aroma.  I love the taste.    Perhaps the finest part of my day is the first few sips of a freshly brewed cup of coffee as I settle in front of the TV to find out if the world exploded while I was sleeping.  If there is no bad news, this is a spectacular start to a new day.  I can literally feel the fog lifting from my mental faculties as I consume my first two cups in the morning.  The wheels start rolling with the first half cup.  I’m semi functional after the first cup.  All systems are go after cup number two.  Fortunately, we are early risers and I can’t talk with either my stockbroker or bookie at 5:30 in the morning before I have had my coffee.

At any point in time, I have three different types of caffeinated coffee and two different decafs in the cupboard.  I try to follow the Mayo Clinic guidelines that say you can have four cups of regular coffee a day.  After that, I will occasionally brew up a pot of decaf just to enjoy the flavor and aroma.

Like most addictions, over time, my dependence on the drug has become more problematic.  My ability to function without the two cups is dwindling.  The first thing I do each morning is stumble to the kitchen and put on the coffee.  It is becoming increasingly more difficult to accomplish this task.  The steps involved are selecting the coffee for today, grinding the beans, emptying the filter basket and installing a new filter, transferring the coffee from the grinder to the new filter basket, dumping the dregs of yesterday’s coffee and rinsing out the pot, putting the pot back into the coffee maker, getting a precise measure of water for today’s brew, pouring it in the Bunn, and closing the lid.  These are a lot of steps for someone who is nearly comatose and lately I have not been doing them very well. 

In the last six months I have had a number of miscues.  Yesterday, I did everything correctly except inserting the coffee pot back into the coffee maker.  It can take hours to clean up a half pot of hot freshly brewed coffee that has been flowing across the kitchen counter tops and seeping into the cupboards.  On other occasions, I have added the water twice.  My fine Bunn coffee maker will let me do that and pour two full pots of coffee into a single pot.  Same result for the counter and cupboards.  I have closed the lid and started the water flowing without inserting the filter basket.  A mess but warm water is a little easier to clean up than hot coffee.  Another major blunder occurred one morning when I mistakenly brewed a decaf instead of the fully loaded Columbia Supremo.  After two hours my wife asked me a question and my response was “Nice day!  Don’t you?”   “Oh, Oh.  I think your drinking decaf.”  She responded.     

Sadly, I have degenerated to the point where I can’t competently make coffee until after I have consumed two cups of coffee.  As my mother, the consummate coffee drinker, would say, “It’s a catch 24”.  

In the latter stages of caffeine addiction she fractured metaphors, clichés, and common words.  For example, for mom the word condominium was condomonium.  The short form was not condo.  It was condom.  “They sold their house and downsized to a condom”.  “Mom, it’s not condom.”  “Okay, they sold their house and bought a condomonium.”  Fifty years of caffeine addiction had reduced a brilliant woman to this.  I have been using the drug for at least forty eight years so I know where this is going. 

So far my verbal and written skills (after two cups of coffee) are still pretty good.  However, I don’t want to take anything for granite.